Today, once again, Rose and I visited my Dad (Dominic) and his sister Aunt Mary at Brighton Gardens Assisted Living in Edison.   It’s unfortunate that as they reached this age (Dad is 95 and Mary is 94)  that they need this assistance and can’t live home alone.  But it’s the best place for them right now….

Aunt Mary has been here for over a year now after having fallen down the stairs in her apartment upstairs my Dad’s house.  She was just not able to live there.   She is mentally sharp but needs a walker to get around.  This has been a good place for her in spite of her wanting to go home.   Her “social” personality has thrived in this environment.  She has her own room and gets her meals, her room cleaned and clothes washed.  She walks everywhere with her walker and talks to everyone.  She travels on the bus several days a week during the warm weather.  She has a friend John who has become a partner who is very much like her.  She is still always trying to help others.

My Dad, on the other hand, needed to be here because he has deteriorated mentally. He has been here since after Thanksgiving.  His short term memory is very poor, although some days are better than others.   He also needs to use a walker due to knee and hip issues.   This is a safe place for him to be at this time given his mental issues.  Like Aunt Mary he has his own room, and gets 3 meals a day, room cleaning, and clothes washed.  He has never been a social person, but his poor hearing adds to this isolation.  He does get around but does not interact much with others.  But he likes it here and is amazed that everyone knows his name.  It’s a shame that this very vibrant man who could do anything now is so mentally deficient.

One issue is that the relationship between Dad and Aunt Mary is one of conflict too much of the time.  Aunt Mary is always trying to help Dad, but his poor hearing and mental confusion creates conflicts more times than not.   Aunt Mary can’t accept his condition and tried to help but sometimes it just  makes things worse.  Still Dad finds his sister whenever he needs something, and she tries to help but it’s not always the best way to proceed.

Oh well, each week is another “event” that we need to deal with and I’m sure it will continue to get worse.    That’s what old age has become for so many people.  But this is the best it can be.

See followup post here.